It seems I’ve lost my mind.
I have this constant knot in the pit of my stomach.
This ‘hard to swallow’ feeling on my throat.
An empty space,
getting bigger with each day that goes by.
I can feel them all as one, all at the same time.
I
Can
Feel
And it scares me.
It takes over.
It won’t leave me.
I can ignore it for short periods of time.
I can pretend is not happening.
I can wear the darkest shade of red on my lips,
the shortest skirt,
the most revealing shirt along with my heels.
I can prance around and sway my hips,
from side to side,
following the beat and sounds,
smell like a bouquet of fresh cut roses,
be soft like the summer breeze.
I can sing along the catchiest tunes,
play with my hair and bat my eyelashes
and pout
and scream
and convince the universe I don’t care.
But this hole is a reminder,
This ‘hard to swallow’ feeling persists.
The empty space in my chest keeps getting bigger…
And I find myself, late at night, staring at the ceiling
writing an ode to your lips all over me.
To your hands lost in the universe between my hips,
making me tremble and drown along my gasps and tears.
Let this be a reminder of how you make me feel.
I still feel,
For you.
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